i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize