Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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