everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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