Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
