What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
