There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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