what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
