I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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