i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
