And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
