Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have aggressive nipples.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
