Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
