Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
