im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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