You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
