I bet he comes in French.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
