Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
