do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
