can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
