just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
