I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
