Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
