so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Bring me that man meat
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
