It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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