if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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