Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
