We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
