dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
