Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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