I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
