I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
