The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
