my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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