I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
