my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
