yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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