shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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