You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
