i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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