I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
