I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
