I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize