she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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