i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
