Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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