it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
never play flip cup with pint glasses
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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