I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I got inside last night via doggy door
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
