And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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