So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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