His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
