why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
