im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
