I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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