Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
