I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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