i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
