Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
