btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
