and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
