I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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