am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She's not a foreskin expert like you
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
