you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
