just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
