Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
