I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
