Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
