so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
