Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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