Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
