At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
