Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
