I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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